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Pilots call me Starbuck you may refer to me as God ([info]cpt_starbuck) wrote,
@ 2008-08-18 21:27:00

Previous Entry  Add to memories!  Tell a Friend!  Next Entry
Entry tags:angst, kara/lee, pr0n

Tell me this is real
((OOC: plotlocked to Lee, kthnx, and will get adult-y...))

Neither of them spoke as they made their way back to their room.

She set the bottle down on the table. Oddly, she didn't feel like downing it in one. Not yet anyway.

She turned to Lee, shook her head, and gave a mirthless laugh.

"You know, on some levels, it's frakking hilarious," she says, dryly. "I mean..." she starts, meeting his eyes and swallowing. "I ran from you, from this. I went to him, cos he was safe. A frakking machine programmed to wipe out humanity."

She laughed again, almost hysterical.

"Gods, how stupid can you get?"

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[info]apollo_adama
2008-08-18 04:40 pm UTC (link)
"Look I'm trying to be sympathetic here, but I'm kind of running out of patience, what do you want me to say?"

"Yes you were stupid, yes you made a mistake. But I don't know what you want from me."

He's cross and feeling hurt.

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[info]cpt_starbuck
2008-08-18 05:00 pm UTC (link)
She sighs. Frak. What does he expect, her to just shrug it off?

"Oh, yeah. Sorry. Just getting confused, is all. See, the Cylons who are obsessed with me are very patient, so I'm not used to it running out. I don't want anything, Lee, don't mind me. I mean, it's not like I've not been played by them like this before, right? So I should just be able to bounce right back."

She turns away, grabs the bottle and takes a long swig, gagging from the strong, burning taste.

Well, that didn't take long.

She coughs and waits for the burning to stop before she can take another gulp. Her eyes are stinging and she wishes it was just down to the alcohol.

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[info]apollo_adama
2008-08-18 05:10 pm UTC (link)
"Oh don't give me that, yes you have been played before, but you and he are in the past now Kara, you're Here with me.Sam is your past whether he's a cylon or not."

He takes the bottle from her taking a swig himself and coughing at the burn.

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[info]cpt_starbuck
2008-08-18 05:22 pm UTC (link)
"Do you think that makes it any easier?" she explodes. "Frak you. He's in the past but that doesn't change that I loved him. I did. I was happy with him and you came along, wanting to 'upset my neat little apple cart.' And I love you more and I've done some shitty things to you both, but frak, it doesn't make finding out it was all a lie any easier."

She grabs the bottle back and takes a swig, glaring at him over the bottle.

"So screw you. Go ahead and be pissed at me. See if I give a damn. Least it proves you're not a toaster. Or does it? Is all of this just programming too?"

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[info]apollo_adama
2008-08-18 05:32 pm UTC (link)
"Did you Kara?" He says sneering slightly. "Cos from where I was standing you were in love with the idea of him more than the reality."

He knows he's being harsh, but frak he can't bottle it up forever.

"Frak I'm pissed at you, you think I'm a toaster? Why because I love you? Because I care? You want to think that..."

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[info]cpt_starbuck
2008-08-18 05:51 pm UTC (link)
She doesn't want to think it, she wants him to prove to her that this is real, that its not all a lie, that something in her life is genuine, isn't just about some frakked up destiny, or programming, or whatever. That Lee Adama really does love Kara Thrace.

But there's no way she can come out and say that, so instead she growls and swings, landing a punch to his jaw. The pain in her hand feels good, almost as good as the weight of the bottle in her other hand.

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[info]apollo_adama
2008-08-18 06:01 pm UTC (link)
He must have stepped over the line, because he's been socked in the jaw.

"What? Truth stings doesn't it. Hitting me again isn't going to change my mind." Lee says.

He can see she's struggling with something. "Come on, hit me again - think it will make you feel better."

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[info]cpt_starbuck
2008-08-19 10:55 am UTC (link)
He's not hitting back which is what she wants, on some level she's frakked up enough to want him to hit her, feels she deserves it after what she's done, how easily she lets them do this to her. She slams the bottle on the table, where it wobbles and sloshes liquid around, but doesn't fall over.

"It might," she says, as she goes to hit him again, but its almost half-hearted now.

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[info]apollo_adama
2008-08-19 11:35 am UTC (link)
She tries to punch him again, but this time he's ready for her. He blocks it easily, and pins her up against the wall.

"Is this what you want Kara? Is this all you know?"

He gets himself right up into her space both hands pinning her wrists ans he uses his body to stop her from moving. He places his mouth by her ear, she struggles slightly and he slams her again for good measure, he wants her full attention.

"You want something real. This real enough for you? I'm not programmed to love you Kara, it would be easier if I was and the gods know it would be easier to walk away, but I can't. Frak Kara, you are the most amazing, strong, infuriating pig-headed woman I have ever met. And I've said it before but I think it bears repeating that I love you, have loved you and will always frakking love you no matter what."

He speaks low and angry.

"What I feel for you is real, who I am is real, My Father and brother both real but you know that already Kara. And I know what the frakking cylons put you through it more than once. But can you look me in the eyes and tell me that what you and Sam had was half what we've got? Because I'm telling you what I feel about you, I've never felt for anyone else."

He let's her wrists away from the wall pressing one hand to his chest the other to his crotch.

"You feel my heart quickened for you? Feel me hard for you? That real enough? Because I don't have anything else."

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[info]cpt_starbuck
2008-08-19 02:19 pm UTC (link)
He slams her against the wall, and she smiles slightly as she she struggles. She meets his eyes when he asks is it all she knows.

It is. Since she was a kid, whether it was a broom to the head or fingers in the door, nothings cut through everything she's feeling like pain. Pain is real. And when he slams her again and her head knocks against the wall, the lightness in her head makes her blink.

She opens her eyes to find his blue eyes boring into hers. She looks back, stony-faced, and waits, but when he speaks, every word chips away at the facade she's trying to uphold.

She stares back at him. He's got his father's eyes, his mother's nose, just like Zak had. There's always been something in his voice that reminds her of his grandfather. He's real. He has to be, this is not all a lie. She blinks rapidly, forcing herself to look him in the eye again.

He moves her hands, freeing her wrists and pressing them against his chest, and his crotch. She grabs hold of his shirt, fingers curling into a fist, holding on to him as tight as she can. She can feel herself slump forward, leaning against him for support. Her forehead bumps against his chin. She lets out a shaky breath and tries to calm herself down. She can't say anything back, can't trust herself to open her mouth without breaking down. Her eyes are stinging again but she won't cry. She won't.

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[info]apollo_adama
2008-08-19 03:02 pm UTC (link)
He's breathing heavily and she leans against him. He can tell she's fighting something. He wraps his arms around her just holding her.

Lee takes hold of her chin tilting her head up, he looks into her eyes and runs his thumb along her cheek.

"Hey," he says quietly. "talk to me."

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[info]cpt_starbuck
2008-08-19 05:40 pm UTC (link)
He holds her, she feels numb. Or she wishes she did, better numb than everything she's feeling right now.

He lifts her chin, asks her to talk to him. She closes her eyes, and bites her lip. She opens them, trying to meet his eyes without flinching.

"I-" she starts, takes a steadying breath, and tries again. "I don't know."

She really doesn't. This is real. She gets that. But nothing else is certain, nothing. She's holding on to his shirt so tight she's almost ripping it. Her eyes sting again and she swears under her breath.

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[info]apollo_adama
2008-08-19 05:51 pm UTC (link)
Lee see that she's so full of emotion. He holds her tight making small circles at the base of her spine.

She holds on tightly practically tearing his shirt and her eyes are bright.

"I'm here," he says trying to reassure, knowing that her being this vulnerable is killing her. "Its okay."

He presses a kiss to her forehead and squeezes her.

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[info]cpt_starbuck
2008-08-19 06:23 pm UTC (link)
Him holding her feels so good, and she hates that she needs it this much, hates that she's this ... this weak.

Its helping but not how she wants it to. She wants to be able to shrug it off, to go back to being mad, or just forget it altogether. But she can't, here she is clinging to Lee like some frakking teenager, and she can't let go.

He kisses her forehead and she blinks again, several times in succession.

She looks up at him, and swallows hard. "Show me. Show me its real. Show me you-" she starts, eyes darting away as she tries to get control again.

"Tell me you love me," she says, barely above a whisper.

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[info]apollo_adama
2008-08-20 07:35 am UTC (link)
She's in so much agony, he can practically feel her turmoil.

Kara looks at him eyes desperate asking her question.

"I love you." He says quietly and firmly. "I love you Kara Thrace."

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[info]cpt_starbuck
2008-08-20 03:46 pm UTC (link)
She moves her head to kiss him. Its desperate, her lips smashing against his. She just needs to be close to him.

Her hand fisted in his shirt tugs him closer, she can feel her fingers start to cramp painfully but she can't let go. She presses the heel of her other hand against his crotch. She needs this, this physicality, to know that it's real.

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[info]apollo_adama
2008-08-20 06:01 pm UTC (link)
She kisses him fiercely and he let's her take the lead reacting to her intensity and matching it.

Her hand on his crotch pressing makes harden, he knows where this is going, knows what she needs and he can be there for her help her find some peace that way.

Not to say he won't enjoy it, but its about them connecting and Kara knowing on that level what he tells her is true.

He groans slightly as she presses against him.

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[info]cpt_starbuck
2008-08-21 02:12 pm UTC (link)
She pulls her hand away from his chest, flexing her fingers to get the blood flowing back into them, feeling the old dull ache and hearing them crack slightly.

He groans and she responds in kind, tugging him towards the bedroom, working on shedding his clothes and her own as they make their way there. She just wants to lose herself in Lee, not think about anything else.

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[info]apollo_adama
2008-08-21 02:49 pm UTC (link)
She starts peeling his clothes off and her own as they stumble towards the bedroom.


He pulls her close running hands over her, he isn't gentle, he wants her to feel how much he wants to touch her.

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[info]cpt_starbuck
2008-08-21 03:23 pm UTC (link)
She pulls them crashing to the bed, kicking off clothes as she does and pulling him on top of her. His hands on her skin feel so good.

She pulls back from the kiss, breathing heavily, and meets his eyes. Just reassuring herself this is real, telling herself to trust this.

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[info]apollo_adama
2008-08-21 03:54 pm UTC (link)
They land on the bed and she's still freaking out a little.

He pauses. Wanting to ask her if she's okay but she levels her gaze.

He shuffles her up the bed and positions himself between her legs pausing a beat.

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[info]cpt_starbuck
2008-08-22 02:54 pm UTC (link)
She nods, pulls him closer, running a hand along his back. She wants this, needs to feel him as close as she can get him.

He slides into her and she moans, squeezing her eyes shut briefly. She opens them again to meet his, and feels that connection, the one that's always been there, even when he's madder at her than anyone has ever been. Her hands trace up and down his arms. This is real.

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[info]apollo_adama
2008-08-22 04:32 pm UTC (link)
Lee pushes into her starts moving inside her and she closes her eyes briefly before locking her gaze with his.

Her hands rub his arms and he strokes some stray hair out of her eyes as she keeps rocking against her. His thrusts are regular and even and it feels good.

"I love you." he whispers "knowing she needs to hear it."

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[info]cpt_starbuck
2008-08-23 03:03 pm UTC (link)
His hands brushing aside her hair, the steady rhythm he makes as he thrusts into her, and those eyes. She can't doubt any of it, its all real, she knows it in her gut. Has to be.

"Love you too," she whispers back, rocking her hips against his, shifting to change the angle just enough.

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[info]apollo_adama
2008-08-24 10:23 am UTC (link)
She changes the angle rocking against him. He dips down capturing her lips in a kiss.

He still keep thrusting the same rhythm wanting her to feel thoroughly frakked and believing in them.

He wraps arms around her pulling himself ever closer to her and making it feel that they were practically one person.

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[info]cpt_starbuck
2008-08-24 03:59 pm UTC (link)
She gasps as he thrusts into her, all her senses heightened. He's so close to her, she can feel his breath on her neck.

She can feel her climax start to build, her fingers dig into his back as she holds him tight.

"Lee," she gasps as she comes, pressing her body against his.

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[info]apollo_adama
2008-08-24 04:34 pm UTC (link)
He feels her come but he isn't quite there yet. He continues pushing into her he slides his hands to her hips holding her to him and he keeps pushing into her.

She calls his name, and he groans into her. Starting to shake and come himself.

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[info]cpt_starbuck
2008-08-24 05:18 pm UTC (link)
She holds tight to him as she comes down. He's still thrusting into her and she can feel him start to come apart.

She rocks her hips against his, pulling back so she can met his eyes. He comes, limbs shaking and then collapses forward. She keeps her arms around him, holds him tight. For once she doesn't care that she's being clingy. She needs the solid warm weight of him resting on top of her, anchoring her to here and now, making all the other thoughts swimming in her head easier to deal with.

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[info]apollo_adama
2008-08-25 02:57 pm UTC (link)
He leans his forehead against hers and he feels her arms still clinging to him. He kisses her cheeks, forehead, eyelids, nose any part of her that he can reach.

Anything that he can think of that's reassuring.

"I love you Kara, you're all I've got and I..." he isn't sure he can say the words.

He needs her, needs her to want to believe in them as much as he does.

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[info]cpt_starbuck
2008-08-25 04:09 pm UTC (link)
He's kissing her and saying all these wonderful things. She squeezes her eyes shut and nods, resting her forehead against his, their noses touching.

"I know," she replies, voice barely above a whisper. "I know. Me too..."

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[info]apollo_adama
2008-08-26 05:16 pm UTC (link)
Lee reluctantly shifts from on top of her, worried he'll crush her. He leans up on an elbow at her side as close as he can get and wraps an arm around her.

"Sorry about earlier, I guess where Sam is concerned I;m not able to empathise." He strokes his thumb along her jawline. "Doesn't mean I don't care, its just makes it hard. You're the one I love."

He kisses her shoulder.

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[info]cpt_starbuck
2008-08-26 05:33 pm UTC (link)
He moves, but not far, thank the Gods. He looks down at her, apologises.

She smiles weakly at him. "I'm sorry. I was way out of line. Again." She sits up, presses a light kiss to his jaw.

"You're the one I love now. The one I picked. I mean it this time. You un-proposed, remember?"

"If it was the other way around-" she starts, but can feel her throat start to close up at just the thought of it. "If it was this that wasn't real," she continues, "I wouldn't be able to handle it. At all. I mean it."

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[info]apollo_adama
2008-08-26 05:48 pm UTC (link)
"Its okay," he says and he means it. She presses a kiss to his jaw and he strokes a hand along her arm.

Reminds him of his non proposal. "I hadn't forgotten," he smiles. Kara talking in terms of picking him is enough to make him a little light headed, they have committed to each other it might not be conventional but they are anything but.

She starts talking about what ifs and she starts getting emotional.

Lee takes her hand and kisses it. "You don't need to think about it because we know it is real.Okay? We're real and that's all that matters. Frakked up as we are."

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[info]cpt_starbuck
2008-08-29 04:05 pm UTC (link)
She gives a small smile, and bites her lip.

She sighs, frustration creeping back in. "Frak, I hate being so far away. That I can't do anything about it is driving me insane. I'm not there to warn them, or do something, anything. Like put a bullet between his eyes."

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[info]apollo_adama
2008-08-29 04:28 pm UTC (link)
"Well I won't stop you." he says quietly.

He strokes her arm. "It's hard not being there, feel so frakking useless, we've just to work at getting back."

Lee sighs. They haven't made a whole lot of progress Here.

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[info]cpt_starbuck
2008-09-13 04:23 pm UTC (link)
He doesn't bat an eyelid at her vow to execute her husband.

"Neither will he. Especially not if its my gun or an airlocking."

"Yeah. I have to find that guy who's arranging to collect all the pieces. Some sort of doctor. And get looking for some more."

She rests her head against his arm, and sighs too.

She feels tired, like her body's heavier than it should be. She doesn't hold much hope for a good night's sleep, but she curls into Lee anyway.

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