InsaneJournal

There's no takebacks
[locked, kthnx, plotty introspective Kara thingy]



Kara looks down at Lee, sleeping beside her, and bites her lip.

Frak, it's been a weird day. They'd just decided to go running together, and it had turned into ...

Well, she isn't sure what it had turned into, but she knows that everything has changed now. And yet, that thought doesn't make her want to run, at least not as much as it should. And there's something equally strong pulling her towards him. Maybe even stronger.

She wonders how long this can last. This place is frakked up, but for now, she's got nothing to hide behind, nowhere to run, and she's been forced to look at what they have and deal with it. He loves her so much, and that must make him some kind of idiot, because no one deserves that kind of love, not least a screw up like her.

But because she can't run from it, because she knows he's never going to stop, and because she loves him more than she's loved anything in her life, maybe even flying, she wants to be able to give him this back. Somehow, she makes him happy, and she wants to do more of that. Oh, she enjoys driving him insane, loosening him up, taking him down a peg or two, and she still will.

She reaches down and grasps the chain around her neck, pulling it open. She holds it in her hand, looking at it thoughtfully, and then picks up the ring.

Sam's a good man. He is. And he loves her. She loves him, too, but not the same way as she loves Lee. Not even close. He'd been right earlier. What they have, it's like nothing she's ever had with anyone else, more intense. And she hasn't been able to fight it up to now - she's lost, every time. Maybe it's time to stop fighting. Accept it.

She pulls the ring slowly away from the chain. Sam was safe - that's why she'd run to him, that's why she married him. He didn't have years of baggage, she'd never almost married and actually killed his brother. Sam's father wasn't the closest she's ever had to a father in her life.

But he wasn't Lee. And maybe she couldn't divorce, she might never officially end the marriage (though her being presumed dead back home has probably taken care of that), but right now, she feels wrong wearing the ring.

She tucks it away, in the drawer in the bedside locker, and fastens the chain back around her neck, the new weight feeling weird after all this time.

Something hits her, and she laughs quietly. Only Kara Thrace could realise she was ready to commit to a guy after he tied her up and frakked her senseless.

She takes a deep breath, and tells herself again that she can do this, as she curls up beside Lee again, and tries to sleep.